"WAIT..WE HAVE TO DO WHAT?"
So before we were allowed to begin eating like restrained woodland creatures..we were instructed to eat like competitive lumberjacks for two full days. When the clinic calmly informed us that we were required to consume 5,000 calories - twice - I swear I could hear my very Southern Great-Grandmother's voice rising from somewhere beyond the grave: "Well, I'll be swanee!" I almost felt the sudden need to sit down and fan myself. I am, after all, a woman who gets reflux from an enthusiastic salad. I have never in my life intentionally consumed 5,000 calories. I don't even think I've done it accidentally at Thanksgiving. Surely this directive was meant for sturdier individuals.
"Why Would Anyone Prescribe This?"
As we poured over the food plan materials trying to digest it all, we could not help but to wonder what the point of this two-day 'loading phase' was intended to achieve? Without the medical credentials to confirm it, I think we decided that this portion of the food plan was intended to:
- Signal the body that food is plentiful
- Prevent metabolic panic
- Prime fat stores for release
- Create a hormonal reset before restriction begins
When Your Grown Son Says, "Is This Safe?"
When our son Jon expressed real concern that these loading days could overload Steve's heart (a person who previously had a heart attack and takes heart meds), I immediately felt the need to proceed with caution. In fact, I felt a bit of alarm. The truth is I felt like this wasn't gluttony. This was venture capitalism. We were investing 10,000 calories into a metabolic strategy and hoping the market wouldn't crash.
As luck would have it, Steve happened to have a scheduled cardiology appointment a few days before we were supposed "to load". Though I will honestly admit to pre-loading the week before with our recently delivered Girl Scout Mint and Adventureful Cookies. If only I had waited a week, I could have eaten the whole box without guilt.
Steve took all of the food plan materials and proprietary supplements to his cardiologist for review, while I sat home anticipating the cardiologist's "Absolutely Not!" response. But we were pleasantly surprised at the doctor’s response. Not only did the doctor think it was a good, solid plan, he awaits to see Steve's ‘after’ profile.
"Strategic Dessert Stacking..The Planning Phase"
The old saying goes, "How do you eat an elephant?" "One bite at a time" Apparently, how you eat 5,000 calories is with spreadsheets, pie charts and ChatGPT. So here we were, two people who are prone to splitting a dessert..suddenly saying: "Well, this one has 1192 calories, let the decadence begin."
In my newly established retirement, I have discovered the joys of A.I. and ChatGPT. It is much the same way I felt when I discovered GPS, "Where has this magic been my entire 'navigationally disabled' life?! I have realized that ChatGPT is like my new best friend, especially where two days of 5000 calorie planning and eating is involved. I easily loaded our food allowable & dis-allowables into the Chat text box, as well as, other variables (such as my absent gallbladder, sluggish G.I. system and Steve's 'low sodium' requirements). I asked Chat to help me plan a 5000 calorie eating day (including our favorite restaurants, but excluding too many 'sugar bombs' which might send me on a 'soul-draining' visit to the E.R.).
Success..it instantaneously provided our 5000 calorie eating agenda for both days.. 'Loading Strategy' done!
"Digestive Surrender"
With our printed eating agenda in hand, we somewhat excitedly headed toward our first restaurant of the day. It felt like the giddy naughtiness of playing hooky--with a permission slip to indulge. As we poured over the menu, I could not help but laugh. Rather than avoiding certain choices based on their calorie count, we were actually calculating our menu choices based on the most calorie-laden options available.
As the first loading day continued, we were aware of the gradual mind-shift which was taking place: 'Hey, this is not so bad, maybe we can do this.' Deliberate calories! #Fun.
As we followed and tracked our strategic eating agenda throughout the day, I found myself wondering, if "Maybe I have eaten 5000 calories or come close to it in a day". As the day went on, it had started becoming easier than we expected..much the way our addiction for sugar, carbs and snacking had insidiously entrenched itself into our daily eating habits over the years.
And finally we arrived at the end of loading day one. How did we feel? Somewhat uncomfortably bloated which required our adjustable bed to be raised up to a 45' "digestive surrender" angle. Go us.
"Waddling Toward Victory"
As I tallied up the meals and calories of our first loading day, I felt a twinge of disappointment. Steve had met his 5000 calorie goal, but I came up 1200 calories short. Was it my delicate Southern Belle constitution staging a quiet protest? Perhaps. But I am not, and have never been a quitter. Day two would receive the full weight of my determination.
Day two began without indecision or any 'eating angst'. We followed the same eating strategy as loading day one, less a couple of the restaurants and wallet impacts. By mid-afternoon, a distinct shift had occurred. For the first time, the goal felt less like an elephant and more like a series of well-timed bites. There was no panic eating, nor any frantic dessert deployment..just steady progress.
As we begin to waddle toward the 'Eating Finish Line', it was not in a sugar-frenzy, but in quiet triumph. We did not stagger across the finish line, we walked..hand-in-hand, 'in this together'.
Reflection: What It Taught Us
Sometimes preparation eats like success. The reality of our two loading days, is that planning made it doable. Our bodies survived. And we stepped over the finish line feeling oddly confident.
"If discipline is the long game...loading days are the pep rally. Loud, messy, gassy and slightly regrettable--but strangely necessary."
SjoDry and Satisfied 🍽️
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